More clients have had thoughts of suicide this year in my psychotherapy office than in the last five years. I’m not scared for them, but as a fellow traveler, I grieve for those contemplating suicide. One woman comes in and clutches a peacock pillow. In the early Spring a depressed client comes and sips chamomile/ginger tea. I want them to enter the door and curl up in comfort on a sofa. We talk about their losses, gratitude, and personal strengths in a warm den of softness.

Climb Away from Danger

Suicide behavior is an act of desperation.

Fear of the future and hopelessness grip our young people. Many don’t expect to raise children, many can’t plan the next 10 years. “I would go off of birth control tomorrow, but will my children end up living in some kind of dystopia?” Because of climate change, the Earth is becoming more and more inhospitable and disaster looms more imminently.

I’m remembering two graduate students who bravely came into therapy. They resiliently crawled away from the suicide precipice. Continue reading →

Excuses heard in the marriage therapist’s room–

Hidden Love

“I didn’t intend  my flattery to be taken as an invitation for sex.”

“She was the one to start talking dirty. I was just joking.”

“He sent me a sexy picture that blew my socks off.”  Does this sound familiar?

The internet permeates all the corners of our lives. Many people assume that cybersex isn’t a threat to the marriage. When couples commit to each other, the contract doesn’t explicitly say, ‘No sexting and no courting on email.’  Have you ever heard of a marriage vow that says, “I promise to be a loving and faithful spouse in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health, with flirtatious and with chaste texts. Continue reading →

Have you ever felt tethered with a short Leash to a whining child?

Richard Foster informed despairing parents,

“A dear friend of mine, Lymon James is a radio disc jockey. On the radio he’s called “Rhymin’ Lymon.” Lymon has a son, Zachary. One afternoon when Zachary was three years old, Lymon decided to take Zach on an outing. They went for some walks and visited some shops.

But it was one of those days, when nothing seems to go right. Zachary was fussing and fuming. Lymon tried everything. He tried to discipline him, and that didn’t work. He tried to bribe him: he gave him candy, and that didn’t work. He did somesaults in the park, and that definitely didn’t work.  Lymon was a renowned radio genius, but the 3 year old was winning the battle. Lymon felt deflated. The boy wouldn’t be distracted and kept whining and sniffling for no obvious reason.

Continue reading →