Working Through Problems, It Takes Work


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Solving Problems Together

Solving Problems Together

How can couples work through their problems?

To make a commitment to another person is more than a business contract. Whether you are legally married or involved in a serious relationship, it takes attention and work to make decisions. Where will you live? How much money do you need? How do you pay the bills and divide the tasks of living together? Will you raise children together? What holidays will you celebrate together? For a couple who is forming into marriage or living together, who will be your family, or your ‘peeps.’

To set up a household together can be hard. Practical decisions are made that reflect your values. Do we buy a car or put in a better stove/oven and refrigerator? Do we take a vacation or visit a sick great-aunt?

When you disagree about these decisions, some people consider couple counseling. Personally, I advocate for this (hey, I love offering therapy– and I carry a diverse toolkit). Many other approaches along with counseling may be helpful: call up a trusted friend, ask advice from sisters or uncles over a family picnic, write in your journal to sort through your priorities.
It’s so easy in this high-tech, fast-moving society to avoid the issues, to procrastinate, or to convince yourself that the relationship will survive. We often are passive, expecting things to improve without mentioning the difficult issues. Many British were ignoring financial problems and social unrest. Suddenly, boom. It’s Brexit, Britain divorces from the EU.

Ceiba Tree

Ceiba Tree

Don’t take short-cuts nor separate from your life-partnerwithout trying to mend fences. You may reach the mountain top faster by going slower. If the relationship is hitting a rocky patch, explore marriage counseling. The fast exit may just be a revolving door.

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