Working Through Problems, It Takes Work

Solving Problems Together

Solv­ing Prob­lems Together

How can cou­ples work through their problems?

To make a com­mit­ment to anoth­er per­son is more than a busi­ness con­tract. Whether you are legal­ly mar­ried or involved in a seri­ous rela­tion­ship, it takes atten­tion and work to make deci­sions. Where will you live? How much mon­ey do you need? How do you pay the bills and divide the tasks of liv­ing togeth­er? Will you raise chil­dren togeth­er? What hol­i­days will you cel­e­brate togeth­er? For a cou­ple who is form­ing into mar­riage or liv­ing togeth­er, who will be your fam­i­ly, or your ‘peeps.’

To set up a house­hold togeth­er can be hard. Prac­ti­cal deci­sions are made that reflect your val­ues. Do we buy a car or put in a bet­ter stove/oven and refrig­er­a­tor? Do we take a vaca­tion or vis­it a sick great-aunt?

When you dis­agree about these deci­sions, some peo­ple con­sid­er cou­ple coun­sel­ing. Per­son­al­ly, I advo­cate for this (hey, I love offer­ing ther­a­py– and I car­ry a diverse toolk­it). Many oth­er approach­es along with coun­sel­ing may be help­ful: call up a trust­ed friend, ask advice from sis­ters or uncles over a fam­i­ly pic­nic, write in your jour­nal to sort through your priorities.
It’s so easy in this high-tech, fast-mov­ing soci­ety to avoid the issues, to pro­cras­ti­nate, or to con­vince your­self that the rela­tion­ship will sur­vive. We often are pas­sive, expect­ing things to improve with­out men­tion­ing the dif­fi­cult issues. Many British were ignor­ing finan­cial prob­lems and social unrest. Sud­den­ly, boom. It’s Brex­it, Britain divorces from the EU.

Ceiba Tree

Cei­ba Tree

Don’t take short-cuts nor sep­a­rate from your life-part­ner­with­out try­ing to mend fences. You may reach the moun­tain top faster by going slow­er. If the rela­tion­ship is hit­ting a rocky patch, explore mar­riage coun­sel­ing. The fast exit may just be a revolv­ing door.


1 thought on “Working Through Problems, It Takes Work

  1. Min­ga! That is our AVP train­ing in Guate! I love it that you’re link­ing this to mak­ing rela­tion­ships work!

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